Six months ago to the day, Marshall was born on a rainy, cold Saturday morning. We were immediately thrown into an unexpected and challenging situation of fearing the worst and trying to learn about our precious little boy. Over his first few months, we spent more than half of it at the hospital, sleeping by my son as he put up with test after test. There were times when I didn’t know what would happen, and for much of the first week, we prepared for the worst, not knowing what the hell was going on. I cried and cried, mourning for the loss of expectations, hopes, and dreams.
Six months later, I have learned so much about Marshall. His resilience has been incredible. Despite losing at least one pound each time he has gone into the hospital for a stay (none in almost 3 months now!), he is likely north of seventeen pounds now. Despite one doctor’s pessimism, he appears to be tracking very well and loves staring at our faces, especially that of his older brother. I have learned that the best way to see love is through the eyes of a not-yet four year-old boy who unconditionally loves his younger brother and has vowed to protect and love him no matter what. I have learned that when you have wondered whether or not you will ever see the sun again in the darkest days, hearing your baby giggle as you kiss his fat belly is the best sound in the world.
And those expectations? Those hopes and dreams? I have all of them again. There’s no reason not to.
My old friend Ramzi told me something during the first month of Marshall’s life that I have held on to for the past half year. He said that I would see one day that I would stop hoping for Marshall’s life to be different and without the hurdles he has faced, because even a small change would mean the Marshall I have come to love would no longer be the same person. At the time, I was in too much shock to believe it, but I think I do now.
It’s been a long time since my last update on our life. Summer has been hectic and hasn’t allowed me much time to write. Marshall has a lot of tests coming up, and the first of his many surgeries looms large in September. First up, an MRI, followed soon after by a procedure on his respiratory passageways. One at a time. One at a time.
Thank you for joining us on this ride.