Last year around this time, I was exhausted from the busiest/saddest/angriest year of my life. Marshall had just had his first surgery for his breathing, night times were chaotic, there was no sleep, and I was constantly worried about him. This year, we’re still tired, and I’m still angry (but that’s just me), but a lot has changed.
Marshall is growing up a lot. He’s walking like a champ, albeit a slightly wobbly champ. Remember the AT-AT Walkers from Empire Strikes Back? The ones on Hoth? That’s sort of how he walks – slight forward lean, always looks like he’s going to fall but he doesn’t (unless someone wraps cables around his knees or tosses a grenade into his belly). He’s still in the very beginnings of communicating with us through more than gestures, but he clearly understands just about everything we say to him. He’s sleeping in a big bed now, which makes it easier for me when I feel like I need to lie down with him. And his hands? His hands look good, he’s using them to hold crayons and markers, and most importantly, he can hold my hand when we go for walks now. Sometimes in the middle of the night, he’ll swing his arm over and rest his hand on my face. I’ll leave it there, smelling his delicious little hands, thankful that we live in a time when they could separate his fingers.
Next year, I hope to have a little interview with him so he can tell you how he feels himself. This year, the only response I’d get to any question would be either, “Dadda” or, more frequently, “Yeah!”
“Marshy – do you love Daddy?”
“Marshy – are you having fun?”
Call it poor parenting, but sometimes, when he’s really fussy while we wait for the doctors to see us at Sick Kids, I’ll just hand him my cell phone. He loves it. Maybe it’s the baby blue and pink phone case I have, or it’s the lit screen, but he likes to hold it and press the button. Invariably, he’ll get to the camera and somehow switch it to the one in front and take some selfies. No, I swear, that’s not my default setting. Then he’ll sit on the ground and squeal with delight as he sees his face on the screen. My little darling. What a face.
Happy holidays, and thanks again for following along in this life of the sometimes exhausting and always incredible Marshall Ku (photos below are courtesy of his new fingers).